Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
a search helicopter?!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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