Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
