I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
