I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Im part way to drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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