Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
