Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
