After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
