dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
