I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
