someone threw a dead crab at me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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