Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
