Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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