thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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