adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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