he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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