dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
