I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
