oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
