you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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