dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
