remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
