I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
