In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
