I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
