she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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