I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
