Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
