I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
