he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
