I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize