Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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