so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
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That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When are your genitals available?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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