U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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