my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
