8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
