I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
