So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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