i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
