I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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