I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
