Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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