my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
