Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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