some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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