I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
