Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
