Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
