cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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