sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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