So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
