he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
