i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
