I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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