I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we made out on top of his cat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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