So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
