do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize