This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
