so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
