Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
