thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
