Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Houston, we have a squirter
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
