Fuck appropriateness.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
