Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
