I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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