so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome