It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.