I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.