so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
