she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.