she looked like the bat from fern gully.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough