I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
