I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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