I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We got so high we made milksteak
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
