Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
